Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
