I just pynch a tree in the face
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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