I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
