Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
