If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
