You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
