don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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