How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
