Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you had me at cake vodka
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
