Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
