We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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