SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
