Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
