Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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