we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
