I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
bring money and cleavage
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
