my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
