i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
