I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
