We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
