U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
