im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
