Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
