If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
