She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
