Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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