turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
