textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
