you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
