oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
