Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
