I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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