in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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