Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
