And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
