This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
