Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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