forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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