at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
