Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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