your parents love me but you hate me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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