just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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