Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
