I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
