i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Found your dick twin last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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