he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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