He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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