I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
is that a dick in a sweater?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
