Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
