My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
